Life Sh t
by WaynEZ
Summary: Life has beaten Dib down. Way down. Zim is suffering just as much. But they are living in the confines of a world where "f#ck it" is the phrase. Observe as the boys change and change the world around them as they deal with all this stupid life sh!t... Too all those that actually remember me (lol) sorry about not updating neos rising. I'm working on it. Sorry!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys this is my latest fiction I've been working on. It's obviously a Zim fic, but I'm taking a different more realistic approach. Let me know what you guys think. I'm pretty sure that you'll enjoy it though.**

"Dib! Bring your four-eyed antisocial ass down here!"

Dib opened his eyes reluctantly. Oh so reluctantly. He lied in his bed cluttered with paranormal files from his cabinet, a pound of weed separated into a few dime bags, some porn mags and two pistols (with empty clips of course). He slowly but surely turned his head to the right, attempting to peer at his alarm clock in order to see what time it was. God knows why he has an alarm, considering the fingernail to chalkboard screeching of his sister's voice woke him up every day.

He couldn't see past his head fur. All that damn hair growing out of his head blocked his view.

"Ugh. Fuck the time." He muttered to himself.

He sat up at a snail's pace. His vision was blurry, and he rubbed his eyes with his left hand ass he groped for his glasses on his nightstand with his right hand.

"Dib!" Gaz yelled again.

"Eat a dick Gaz!" Dib yelled back.

He threw his covers off and slid out of bed to begin preparing for his ffirst day of 10th grade. He alreagy had on a pair of black, somewhat baggy jeans and his limited addition Chuck Taylor steel toed boots. He won them in a "Most Unusual Footwear" contest.

As he searched for his shirt, in the background he heard the stomping of his perturbed sister as she stormed her way up the stairs.

He had found hes shirt and he was somewhat looking downward while fiddling with the opening.

"3. 2. 1. And…"

His room door flew open and Gaz hurled the kitchens chef knife directly at Dib's head. He merely craned his neck to one side and the knife whizzed past him, lodging into the wall near the window. He continued giving all of his attention to his shirt as he slid it over his head. After silently completing his routine, making his bed, hiding his porn, putting away those files and packing those guns into his bag, Dib hunched into a backwards lean and strutted past Gaz out of his room as if she wasn't there.

"I'm at Zim's when you need me. Try not to take long. I'm making toast on the way out. Want some toast?"

"Fuck you."

"I'll make you some toast," he said grinning to himself.

Down the stairs he went, trench coat and all. One last stop. The hallway mirror. He gazed at himself. He appeared to be high. Or an insomniac. Dark circles under his eyes, the sclera (the white part of the eye) turning red, and his glasses only enlarged the apparenty exhaustion filled appendages. He made toast for Gaz and himself then left his home to go see Zim.

Down the street he walked observing how other teenagers were smiling and talking amongst themselves as they ran, jogged, skipped and rolled themselves and each other to hi-skool.

"Idiots" Dib muttered to himself.

He stopped at the walkway indicating Zim's yard. Not a gnome in sight for a few years and he was happy with that. Stun lasers hurt like a mofo.

Knocking on the door and 5 minutes of waiting brought Zim to his front door. Dib, lately only moderately surprised by alien boy's antics, inspected his trendy attire.

Zim had taking a liking to hip-hop and rap music in recent years, and decided to adopt their way of life. Sorta. He's still Zim. Just Zim with baggy pants, jewelry (shiny), large shirts, and overrated expensive footwear. He tried selling drugs like in the songs he heard sometimes, but obliterated most of his customers and suppliers for constantly knocking on his door. He can rap too, but has to write his lyrics to get it in traditional English lingo, instead of using his unnecessarily formal speech patterns.

"greetings Dib-monkey" Zim said smirking.

"How can you insult me while greeting me Zim?" Dib said slightly frustrated and confused with his frienemy (friend/enemy).

"Not important Dib-monster. Zim has a question. 3 Days Grace or Nirvana?"

Dib grimaced a little. Zim always asks him questions concerning his opinion on some subject or another. Its damn near a punishment game because every time he gives the wrong answer some form of physical pain is inflicted on him.

"Dammit Zim, I really don't feel like-"

"Choose worm! Or I'll feed you to Gir with a side of tacos!"

"Almost on queue, the little SIR unit came running outside and circled Dib in an almost tribal manner, singing of the deliciously doom filled side tacos of deathness. Zim sighed at his mistake of mentioning the robotic imp. Dib shared his despair.

"Ummm… I guess I pick 3 Da-"

Dib's mouth was shut with a combat boot to his face. He rolled backwards with the momentum of the blow, landing flat in the middle of the street. A dust trailed marking the path that his body traveled settled slowly as the sudden excitement mellowed to silence. Zim marched to the paranormal investigators side, looking down on him with a look of contempt on his face.

"Do you have the brain worms Dib-stupid?" he yelled.

"…Ow." Was Dib's only response.

"Nirvana is obviously far superior to 3 Days Grace. Stupid human."

Dib simply stared at him from his position on the on the asphalt, doing his best to ignore the screaming nerve endings all over his body and his pounding head.

"Zim."

"Yes human?"

"I'm kicking your ass after school."

Zim looked slightly confused and proceeded to help Dib stand.

"But do you not have prior arrangements after classes today?"

Dib thought, puzzled, pondered, contemplated.

"Shit!" He shouted facepalming.

"Fucking Torque! He said he was gonna kill me on the first day of school."

"No you fool! The Zita! A potential mate to carry all your little worm baby eggs! She is your focus!"

"Dude! You pushing me on her is why I'm getting this immenent ass whoopin'. Ugh! Let me just grab my stuff so we can go."

Dib's things were scattered all over Zim's yard after the brief assault on his face. He proceeded to pick up the contents of his bag.

"Dib-thing, is that not human weaponry?" he asked gesturing towards the pistols. "Why not use those to rid yourself of the smelly gorilla child?"

"Tch. No ammo."

As their conversation continued, in the distance Dib could see his sister speed walking down the block. He almost smiled at the sight of his sister enjoying the toast he made her.

As she drew closer, Dib was the first to speak. "How's the toast Gaz?"

"Shitty. Tastes like Gir's waffles."

"Oh Gaz-human! Greetings, how are you this-"

"Bite me insect."

The two boys stared at each other as she continued past them.

"What's with her?" Zim asked.

Dib shrugged. "Guess she didn't like the toast."

Dib finally feeling more relaxed, reached into his trench coat pocket and pulled out a rolled joint.

"Got a light?" he asked.

"Hmm…"

Zim began feeling around his pockets. Nothing. Then, his face brightened as if he had an epiphany.

"Hold it above your head! Zim has an idea."

Dib raised his weed in the air and Zim, making use of his pak, proceeded to shoot the tip of his joint. It was properly lit and Dib laughed.

"Nice. You're aim is improving too."

"Yes, yes. Zim IS amazing isn't he?"

As they began their trek to skool, screams and cries of anguish could be heard as a fire caused by Zim's laser ripped and roared through half of the homes on the block.

**A/N: So what do you think? I kinda like it honestly. It seems really interesting and the concept that I have in my head is looking pretty good on paper. Don't worry guys, Zim is still filled with the urge to destroy and conquer and Dib is still out to prove he's not crazy, but things are gonna be different this go around. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Bonjour! What's going on people? I still haven't been able to find the note books that contain the ensuing chapters for neos rising. Sooooo, I'll just have to focus on this story while rewriting the chapters. Lucky me -_-. Anyway, this is where the plot begins to unfold, so I hope you enjoy the spawn of my imagination. Trying to take this somewhere that invader zim has never been before. Anywho, hope you like it, let's get some comments plzzzzzzzzzz!**

Dib is walkin to class, a smoke trail following his every twist and turn as he weaves through the crowd. He got his hands on some really good og kush last weekend at some party, and now he's wish he had sparked up sooner. He silently recites the steps that leads him to his high. First hit leads to his light headedness. Second makes the room spin a little bit. He's working to keep his balance walking by a crowd of girls chattering by their lockers. Sadly he loses his balance and shoulder bumps one of them. The girls all grimace in unison. They stare at Dib with a look of disdain. He's cursing in his mind. He hates talking to people before he's high. He's a much better people person when he's under the influence.

"Aren't you going to say something dork?" the girl said, obviously and impatiently awaiting an apology.

Not yet he said to himself. One more drag. The third hit to put him on cloud nine. He inhales an almost unhealthy amount of smoke from his spliff. The four females look at him funny as his chest expands and his eyes shut.

Suddenly he's coughing and sputtering all over. Hands on his knees he's trying to regain his composure. There we go. Finally there. The room is large on itself. He's seeing clouds on the ground. Shaking hands with birds on migration. So high right now.

Slowly looking up, he has a goofy but slight grin on his face. His eyes are glazed over, demeanor seeming to shift in a direction that the girls are unfamiliar.

However the girl that has a bone to pick with him is none the wiser.

"Well?" she says, hands on her hips.

Dib leans forward making the girl jump back. "I love your hair." He states nonchalantly.

She blushes, looking a bit embarrassed and ticked at the same time. "What the hell are you talking about weirdo?" she says looking in the other direction down the hall now.

"I'm just saying I never noticed how pretty you were. I'm, like almost upset with myself. You're Kristen right?"

She peeks at him from the corner of her eye, blush still pretty apparent.

"…yeah." She says hesitantly.

Dib smoothly slides closer to her closing the two foot gap in less than two seconds.

"How long has it been? I always thought you were really pretty in middle school. You did great as Juliet in the play last year."

Dib wasn't paying attention to a word he was saying. The play was terrible, mostly because of Kristen. Dumb broad fell out of the window while Romeo was busy trying to swoon her with his jumbled lines. He doubted they read the play or even rehearsed for it.

"We should get together sometime, like pizza?" he asked, tilting his head to the left with a soft smile.

"Yeah, we should get bloaty's." she whispered to him, unable to believe what she was agreeing to. She doesn't even like him, but for some reason there is something simply drawing her in, making her unable to resist his every word. That and some weird smell in the air.

"Great, I'll grab you Friday." He said whispering right back. He proceeded to grab her by her hips and pull her into a light kiss, with gasps and _wtf_ faces happening in the background. Dib allowed his hand to wander to the mound of her ass. Kristen was breathing hard, blushing like mad meeting Dib's lips with her own. Just as quickly as she was pulled in for the kiss, she was released and left with her unfulfilled lusts as she watched Dib going his merry way, puffing away on his weed. She reflected on the event that just happened, and remembered with self loathing that she allowed Dib to rub her behind during the kiss. Running her hand across her backside, she realized that he put something in her pocket. As her friends continued to chirp about the kiss, the kush, and the ass-grabbery that just happened, she silently read Dib's cell number that he slipped in her pocket. Walking to class, she silently programmed his number into her phone.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the school, Zim was listening to some black guys cyphering near the track field. He was there to see what he could pick up and incorporate in his own lyrics. He didn't plan pursuing music as a life choice, but events like these beat the hell out of going to class.

The guys were juniors and their skills were mediocre at best. As one of the pig-smellies made rhythm noises into their hands, the other five would proceed to speak their rhymes over the beat, simulating an actual rap track.

"You can't touch me

MC Hammer, don't stammer

This the last straw, koolaid jammer

I plan to stomp to the ground with these lyrics,

Crush your spirit, you need antennae to hear this shit"

"Zim hears loud and clear human!" Zim shouted, slightly impressed with the last few lines the the monkey with the braids made.\

The five humans looked at Zim expectantly, Zim stared back a look of confusion plainly written on his face.

"Well nigga keep goin!"

"Eh?" Zim questioned.

"It's a cypher foo', you supposed to keep the flows goin'. Spit something on da beat."

"Oh! Of course! Zim knew that!"

He thought for a second listening to the sound of the flesh bag human spitting into his hand. What to say, what to say, what to say, what to say? I've got it, he screamed inwardly. He quickly changed into his mc persona, preparing to lay his lyrics.

"This is an invasion

Zim regurgitates flames,

I cook mc's, I'm a chef they're Cajun

I spit influenza, here to influence ya

Came to snatch your bitch

Please don't try to defend her

I don't feel like kickin no ass

The way the lucid flows go through you, I thought you was glass

On some sporadic stuff, semi-automatic

Standing ovation, that means in this cypher, I am clappin

You are trapped in my grip, Lasers on my hip

And in my pak

You best duck when I'm on the attack"

His small audience continued to bob their heads as Zim continued his little rapping venture. He was demolishing the beat, but above the cheers of his audience he could hear the bell for the first class. Without a word, he simply stopped rapping and walked away from the circle. Everyone was confused, but seeing as how they didn't even know who that strange green kid is, they didn't expend the energy to find out.

Going through double doors that led into then out of the gym, Zim came across a large crowd gathering around his class. Nice. Now Zim has to actually TOUCH people to get inside.

"Out Zim's way hyoomans! I will annihilate everything you hold dear!" he screamed everytime someone even grazed him. He could hear more distinct voices as he neared the center of the crowed, namely Dib's and a certain gorilla that he had hoped would not be encountered until the end of the day. "Oh Irk…"

Dib was being held above the floor, against the classroom door, with the most uninterested of expressions on his face, and the gorilla, Torque, yelling nonsense.

"Take it back faggot!" he screamed at Dib.

"Take what back? The comment about me flirting with your girlfriend or your mom coming on to me?"

Zim had been their ten seconds and had already lost his patience.

"Dib thing!"

"Zim?" Dib only seemed lightly surprised to see him.

"Yes, ZIM is here!" he said raising his voice.

Zim then proceeded to march towards the door to the class, open it sliding Torque and Dib out of the way and step inside the classroom. He then peeked out of the doors little window too look at Torque.

"Carry on gorilla worm."

As Torque cocked back his fist to sock fib in the face, Dib silently contemplated the beat down he was gonna bestow upon the Irken the first chance he got.

**RRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! pls**


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